dreams...

i think I'm pregnant, so i tell my family. it's less hard than i think to tell them. i also can't remember how i got pregnant, that is a tricky part of the story. i go with  all my family and friends to the doctors office. there are like fifty people there, even some kids from work. The nurse practitioner looks like Greta Gerwig, and i like her immediately. everyone crowds around a cheap white table in the middle of a huge white room while she asks me questions. She tells me that she needs to pluck some of my eggs to see if there is growth inside them under a microscope. I get on the table in front of everyone and she goes in with a thin long wire.  I have absolutely no sense of shame. Everything about this visit is routine. She pulls out one of my eggs with the long wiry tweezer. it look like big purple raisin, or a shriveled red bean. I wonder if that is what they look like in everyone. I think, there might be a baby inside there and fill up with mystery and delight for life. It does not occur to me that the baby is now outside my body or the dangers of such procedure.  all of my friends and family have a party while we wait for the results. I am secretly hoping that I am pregnant . I start to fall in love with the fetus that is growing in the bean I made. I move around the party like a bride trying to connect with everyone. I even tell a kid from work to behave herself. The Greta Gerwig nurse comes back out and says, "you will be glad to hear these results, they are so exciting!" I blink with joy that I am going to have a baby. She says " you're not pregnant, of course not."