or was high already, thinking and talking about boys and guns and liberation
Him and Joan got into a fight in the kitchen about where'd he been.
She was bitter about the boys and the drugs and her life
as a junkie runaway in Mexico
and was probably trying to get a rise out him
(we all have to make a voice sound)
He said "lets move to South America with the kids and live off the land:
I'll hunt for us."
and she laughed and scoffed hard and sincerely. She wanted to
de-thread the one thing that kept him a man,
by tearing down his violence, his ability to shoot a gun.
She teased him relentlessly and with the vigor of Mexican stars
about how the "kids would starve" and they would "all die"
if they had to rely on his
hunting
They fought like cats in heat
in the sweaty aquamarine kitchen,
him high on heroine, her high on speed
both with the brain chemistry of angry chimps or toddlers
and he said "what about my shooting?" he said"Put that bottle on your head" there was a clear empty bottle in the
sink, it was clear (I imagine Joan to be a gin drinker, I guess)
"go ahead" he said
Her brain was blinked with the thought
and she kew the only way to win this fight
or their tiresome common law marriage
would be to let him murder her there in the aqua Mexico kitchen
So she obeyed. Half awake
placed the clear wet bottle
on her uncombed hair
& said "Oh Bill, you know how I hate the sight
of blood"
balanced the bottle
like a professional
and closed her eyes and smiled
with the green fire of revenge burning up her thin tongue
He cocked and aimed the pistol
straight and hard, like a young erection
like he was going to bend over a young boy right there in
the kitchen and fuck him
right there in front of her
and then he pulled the trigger fast and hard.
He missed the bottle by two inches
getting her right in the forehead
and cherry blood splatted over the stove
and the little boy he was going to fuck
was actually inside him already
and the little boy cried out like a small wolf
and the pistol thudded
and the little wolf boy dropped to his knees
and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed
at the
world.