my therapist
on one of our first sessions
asked me to do a free association
with the word: carve
because i told him
that my desire to carve myself
::surgery::
seems violent
i thought of wood
of men's hands
i thought of the salt nail beach
carving the earth
like scratching its back or
playing with its hair
i thought of erosion
and nature
and history
i did not think of blood.